Burnt Toast

Spring, in more ways than one. March 12, 2009

I’m the kind of person who is affected a lot by the changing of the seasons.  My taste in music shifts, my mood shifts, even my diet changes season to season.  As Im sure most of you know, this winter was a really rough time for me, figuring out a whole lot of stuff and working through a lot of residual stress and drama.

Well that’s all over!  Spring is here, and in more ways than one.  The weather is getting warmer, my taste in music has shifted back to my normal springtime upbeat 90s rock and indie preference, and my social circle is shifting and expanding once again.  Spring is that time of year for me where everything just seems to fall into place, and I enjoy life a whole lot more.

You may have noticed that this week I have  been rather “off the grid”, so to speak.  This is because I have been working nonstop in the darkroom on my photography project.  Total darkroom time this week comes to 38 hours between sunday afternoon and thursday morning.  Four hours sunday night, covering a lab shift and then serving my own, eleven hours monday night, nine on tuesday, and an all nighter of fourteen hours between last night and this morning.  I must say, this has still been one of the best week of the year so far.  I love the darkroom and I had the particular fortune of making at least two good friends during these past few days, who are the sole reason I didnt go insane.

Now that my project is done, I have the weekend to relax.  And by relax  mean party, at least friday night and saturday.  Sunday will be a nice chill day working on some prints in, you guessed it, the darkroom.

Anyhow, I am off to enjoy my free time, have a good weekend everyone!

Pond Hopping February 23, 2009

Sorry it’s been so long since my last post everyone,  I’ve been having a nice vacation.

I have been doing lots of thinking about myself and where I want to end up and other such deep important things.  I talked earlier about never quite feeling at home, and I think a lot of that traces back to my childhood, but one thing I didn’t talk about is how I sometimes get overcome with this insatiable wanderlust.  I got hit with another bout of it yesterday morning, so I grabbed my camera and started walking.  Ended up somewhere in downtown troy, doing some urban exploring and snapping shots for my art project as I went.  I had a blast.  One byproduct of all this wandering and thinking and such, is that I’m not sure that I want to stay in America anymore.

Now I’m sure most of you are thinking “Aaron, you are crazy and young and dont know what you are talking about.”, but there’s a lot that went into this particular musing, besides my desire to wander and see the world.  I’m not sure that America is the best fit for me.  I can already say that the number of states I would ever consider living in is quite small.  Pretty much limited to NY, FL, or CA.  I’m a very socially liberal person,  an outspoken atheist, and need the constant stimulation of a bustling city to keep me from going insane from boredom.  That pretty much rules out any red state, anything in the bible belt, or anywhere cold and/or desolate.  Let’s not even get into how concerned I am about the future of our country’s economy, and my intense dislike of the lack of free thinking that prevails throughout the majority of the united states.  For hell’s sake, a good 40% of americans still refuse to accept evolution as the best current model to explain life on earth.  There are 5 states in which I could not hold public office due to my lack of religious beliefs!  This doesn’t sit well with me, especially seeing what our country was founded on…

So yeah.  I’m seriously considering hopping the pond when I’m done with school.  The two places I am looking at the moment are New Zealand, and Great Britain.  If anyone has traveled to, or lives in one of these places (here’s looking at you Joely and Caireen), I’d love if you would shoot me an email at toasterferret@gmail.com and fill me in on anything you think I should know.  Feel free to also shoot me mail with any questions, I can talk ad nauseum about just why I want to GTFO of america, as well as why I’m looking at the places I am.

Until later, peace.

Some Interesting Revelations About Myself. February 11, 2009

Today I had an appointment with my academic adviser, which is normally something that I see as just a task to get out of the way.  For the first time however, our conversation strayed away from my academics, and more toward my personal life and problems.  I found myself just talking and thinking out loud, and even drawing a few links that I never had before about why/how/when a few of my particular problems developed.

All she did was listen, and occasionally toss in short responses that triggered me to really dig deep and think about some aspects of myself and my experiences that I hadnt considered before.  When I told her about having never told my parents about the shooting, she asked a simple, one word question.  Why?  You know, I never really thought about that before.  At the time I just didnt say anything to anyone, save a select few.  I just wasnt in the right place with my parents to tell them about it.  Or so I thought.  After a brief moment of thinking, it hit me like a house of bricks.  The reason I’ve never been close to my parents is because I was resentful, and maybe still am a little bit.  I was resentful that they both worked and I was always shuttled off to be taken care of by my uncle, a six foot four, 300 pound, chain smoking, paranoid schizophrenic.  I developed health problems from being around him and spent a good portion of my time in fear of him.  Nothing like a 300 pound man hitting a little kid to make the kid resent whoever put him in that situation.

Recently Ive come to a few other realizations about myself, having to do with the more recent past.  (the last 5 years or so)  I realized that one of the reasons I have felt so empty is because after my dreams died, I stopped living my life for me, and started living it for other people.  Some of those people were real, some of them were more ideological.  This has been improving since mid last year, but I dont think I ever realized the problem for what it was until quite recently.  This of course, has affected me and some of the people close to me in a negative manner, and I apologize to myself and to them.  I think that now that I finally see some of the problems for what they are, I can start to work on fixing them, and start living for me again.

My adviser gave me the number to the counseling center, and I think I might give them a call one of these days.  It will be nice to have someone I can talk to who knows how to ask those little questions that make me think.  With any luck, working through this kind of stuff will improve my academic, personal, social and love lives, which is something I can honestly say i need.

Also, on another note, if anyone has any topics they would like me to discuss, religion, politics, anything really, feel free to give me a holler through email or facebook or blog comments or whatever and I’ll write a post on it.

Street I Never Lived On February 7, 2009

Street I Never Lived On

Here’s the place where I grew up
A street I never lived on
I have no roots here at all
No affiliations
Just a temporary stop
Just a second on a clock

I’m not ashamed to say I hail
From a street I never lived on
It’s just a place to send the mail
And write on applications
Nothing but a paper trail
Just a breath that I’ll exhale

Ah

I know that I’m leaving eventually

You said that you grew up too
On a street you never lived on
Your room didn’t have the room
For your imagination
Just something you had to do
Imagine that you’re leaving soon

Ah

Just know that you’re leaving eventually

-The Ropes

I love this song.  It really describes how I feel about the place I grew up.  Also the apartment I’m living in now.  That’s probably why I am still living out of boxes after being in my apartment for half a year.  Interesting to think about.

Training season! January 30, 2009

Ideally I wanted to start training around january first, but due to a wisdom tooth surgery, the recovery period for that, then immediately getting sick and recovering from that, I’m starting my training regiment this sunday instead.  Last year I managed my goal of going from overweight to a healthy weight of 160, and this year the goal is to get some real muscle definition, and complete a hundred mile race.

As usual I’m switching back to the lean protein, no processed starches diet, with plenty of fruits and veggies.  (not so much of a diet as a healthy eating habit really…)  On top of that I’m going to be running every morning, my normal bike training, and this year I’m adding some new things.  I have decided to start the 100 pushup challenge.  I’m also doing a similar routine with squats.  More info on those later.

I feel pretty confident about this, I managed to accomplish my goal last year and lose a good 50 pounds, so I see no reason why I can’t accomplish things this year.  Let me know if anyone in the area wants to go running or biking, I’m always up for that.

Sorry for the short post, but I will go into more detail on Sunday.

Dry toast January 27, 2009

Sorry I haven’t posted in a while guys, It’s been a crazy week, and i just haven’t been able to squeeze one out.

Last week I had the unfortunate surprise of being set upon by an acute stomach virus.  I had been feeling a little queasy and not all that hungry for a few days, but I had attributed that to stress.  Thursday evening however, I was hanging out with a friend and knocked back a beer, and suddenly I started feeling not -so-hot.  I figured it was time to go home and lay down, but I couldn’t even make it to the bus stop.  I had to call Physion so she could let me into her place and I could puke my guts out.  Once that was done, I realized I had a slight fever, and then the worst part hit.  I will spare you the details but lets just say I was tethered to the bathroom for about 18 hours straight, and anything I drank went right through me.  The next day I made an appointment at the campus health center, managed to drag myself there, and saw a doctor.  After taking my vitals, she looked at me and told me she was calling an ambulance to take me to the ER.  Evidently I had lost almost a gallon of water from my system and was in need of IV’s.  I was in the ER for the better part of the evening and then got myself home after I was sufficiently re-hydrated.  The symptoms went away after another day or so, but I still feel pretty queasy and crampy when I eat.

On a completely different note, I’ve decided that being a fine arts major just isnt for me.  I still have an interest in it, but every time I step into a classroom that isn’t hard science I just feel like I’m not being challenged at all.  So, while I’m continuing with photography, I have decided to try to pick up my biology degree again.  Today I enrolled in a class on parasitic diseases, and when I walked in, all I could think was “It’s good to be home!”  I still worry about having to get through organic chemistry and biochemistry, but I think this is a better decision for me overall.

On another note, one that I’m sure any of my local friends will agree on:  Have these past two weeks been filled with drama or what?!  It seems like everyone has an excess amount of it at the moment, even me, someone who normally goes through great pain to avoid it at all costs.  I guess it’s just that season?

Anyhow, more posts soon. Have a good evening all.

Times are a Changin’ January 19, 2009

Wow, a lot has happened in the last week, and even more is happening in the coming week.  Obama getting sworn in, classes starting, the usual mad scramble to get permission numbers and art supplies.  On top of all that this semester I am planning on joining the campus radio station, which also streams online for anyone not in the Albany area who wants to listen.  More details on that forthcoming.  On top of school, art, radio, maintaining a respectable social life, and the rest of that stuff, I also have to start training for a  hundred mile bike ride this summer.  It’s to raise money for diabetes research if anyone would like to donate, I’ll be putting the call out when it is time.

This semester looks to be an interesting one for me.  Im taking an intermediate photo class, a non-silver process photo class, and hopefully art history (if I can get a permission number), as well as a writing class.  This semester should be pretty busy all in all.  I think it will be good to keep myself busy though, I think it’s something I could really use.

As far as art supplies go, it looks like I will still be shooting film for the time being.  This makes it very unlikely that anything will pop up on my flickr account, sorry guys.  Scanning prints into the computer takes way too long.  Hopefully the loan I want comes through near the end of the semester and I can get myself the Nikon d300 I have been eyeballing.  *fingers crossed*

Anyhow, short post today, just an update on what’s going on.  Later today i am going shopping with a gift card to sears I got for christmas, no idea yet what i want to buy, and probably going to the Muddy Cup for open mic night.  Hopefully i can catch up with some old friends there.

Hope everyone has a good week.

Why I pour my own drinks. January 9, 2009

With a lack of anything really interesting going on right now, I will share with you all the story that led me to the aforementioned conclusion.

So, my girlfriend (physion) and another of my friends decided to go to our friend Taka’s Halloween party.  He has a house in Downtown Albany that is THE party house, and always manages to throw a great bash.  We scrounged together our cash, wet out and bought some $40 worth of vodka and soda, (We were stocking up for future parties as well)  then headed to the party.

When we arrived, the party was already in full swing.  Music blaring, strobe lights flaring,  and hordes of friends in various states of intoxication.  Not being the kind of people that waste any time, we quickly jumped into the festivities, drinks in hand.  (black cherry soda+black cherry vodka=GOD)  After about 30 minutes and three or four drinks, the girlfriend and I stumble across our friend Ashua. (that’s his twitter name, but the bum hasnt updated in weeks)  Needless to say, Ashua, Physion, and myself are gigantic fans of Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog.  If you haven’t seen it, shame on you, and go watch it now.  Our dedicated fandom coupled with our intoxicated state led to several rousing choruses of the “Bad Horse” theme song, which also happens to be the name of the aforementioned cocktail.  After much loud and slightly slurred speaking, followed by a few more drinks, I decide I am thoroughly drunk and It’s time to stop.  My friend Matt of course will have none of that and convinced me that its “ok” for me to have “one more drink”.  After acquiescing to his request, he goes and pours me a mug half full of vodka, then tops it off with some soda for color.  He does the same for Physion, and hands them to us both.  Now when I am drunk, as I am sure is the case for many of us, my judgement is impaired.  Severely impaired in this case.  I down my drink, and Physion hands me her’s, because she is sober enough to realize that that much alcohol is a bad idea.  Im not sure why she decided to hand it to me, but i had no such compunctions.  A few moments later her cup is empty, and I am not feeling so well.  This is where the story goes from “what i can remember” to “what people said happened”.

The rest of the night quickly went south as some unfortunate soul consumed even more alcohol than me, and Physion had to call ambulance.  At this point I was carried home across the street by Physion and our friend Eric.  Physion told my roommate to take my key so i wouldn’t be encouraged to stumble back outside.  Well, after a few minutes I got restless and decided to go searching for everyone else.  Not having my key to get back in was not at all on my mind, and my roommate wasn’t about to physically restrain me, so I managed to stumble back across the street, past the ambulance, and back into the house.  On the way I am surprised that the only injury I incurred was a bruised rib from falling on a bike.  Once back inside I told Physion that everything was ok, and that the poor girl with alcohol poisoning was asleep on my couch.  She of course wasn’t, I was just too drunk to know reality from non-reality.  Physion gets me back home and into bed.  This is where my memory completely leaves me and the rest of the story is Physion’s account.

Evidently we get to bed and I start looking not so good.  Physion is laying next to me and gives me a little shake and asks if I was ok.  My response was to vomit uncontrollably all over my bed, walls, floors, clothes, and her.  She spent the next hour tossing everything in the tub and rinsing it off, then putting it in a tub for me to wash the next day.  Evidently the whole time this was happening I followed her around being belligerent about wanting to go to bed.  She was very patient with me.

The next morning, I wake up feeling like I was hit by a truck.  (and yes, I do actually know what this feels like.  Another story for another time.)  I go to the bathroom, and only then realize that i was wearing different clothes than  I went to bed in.  Physion told me the story from the night before, then left to de-stress

So, end result was a horrible night, a HORRIBLE hangover, and a lot of laundry, not to mention a cranky girlfriend for a few days.  This is why now, I  pour my own drinks.

p.s. The girl with alcohol poisoning was ok.

Am I less wise? January 8, 2009

So my wisdom tooth surgery today went off without a hitch.  It was pretty quick, and the surgeon and his assistant were really nice.  The assistant (I didnt get her name) was pretty cool and explained everything to me, and she even bullshitted with me about being a poor student.  She kinds looked like a late twenties version of violet from The Incredibles.  They tossed on some Nitrous oxide and shot me full of novacain and I got to be fully coherent and the dude broke my tooth up into pices and yanked it out of my head, then stitched me up.  It was a load of fun to watch, and really got me excited to be on the other side of the surgical procedure.  I may have freaked him out a bit with my sick fascination with what he was doing, but if I did, he didnt mention it.  Anyhow, I'm now sitting back at home surrounded on all sides by cats, who are hungrily eyeing my bowl of ice cream.  Im pleasantly numb from the novacaine still, and doped up on codeine, so I should be good for the time being.  Anyhow, sorry for the short post, I just figured I would shoot out a status update for anyone interested.

p.s. Sorry for the lack of coherence in this post, im a little bit out of it right now. mmm codeine…      

Why I may soon be homeless… January 4, 2009

Today was an interesting day, to say the least.  I woke up at 9am, after about five hours of sleep, cleaned up, threw on some clothes, and headed out the door.   I planned on leaving early so that I could be sure to make the buses I needed to catch, to head out to troy for the second day of Tenner and Pallagia’s weekend long mini-con.  Of course seeing as I am on the bus stop in 15 degree weather, the bus doesnt come for a half hour.  Luckily for me I managed to snag a coffee, red bull, and some pop-tarts to eat.  On the way to the con, I get a phone call from my mom telling me some horrible news.

As you all know I am a poor college student.  My financial situation is best described as living “loan to loan”.  Due to the current financial situation in the US right now, my school will only approve the loans needed to cover tuition, and not anything extra for say, books or housing.  (Who needs that stuff anyway?)  Therefore, I was forced to look elsewhere for the money I needed.  Jobs are horribly difficult to come by at the moment, due to a lot of older workers being laid off and taking all the part time jobs.  So, I decided to look for one of the few banks in the US not currently sinking like the titanic.  Chase bank was kind enough to approve my amount right away, and said they would sent details later.  The phone call from my mom was her calling to let me know that the loan I was pproved for was at, get this, 15% variable interest.  that would mean for my $9,000 loan, I would most likely be paying back well over $40,000.  This of course, is not really an option.  Therefore I have no idea where my next months rent will come from, let alone the rest of my lease.

Once I got to Tenner and Pallagia’s, i had plenty of opportunities to bitch about my situation, and luckily for me, got some helpful feedback and brainstorming from the other guests.  Some of these ideas include: Somehow getting on wellfare (which may involve doing some seedy things so the govt. thinks my parents have disowned me.  Any foreigners want a green card?), selling various bodily fluids, panhandling, and a few helpful tips as to what I could build a temporary structure out of if need be.  One of the guests said he may be able to get me a job at the Co-op where he works, and that would be absolutely amazing.  Another option is I may be able to move onto campus for the semester and get additional loans that way, although that would be a temporary fix.

Other than the horrendous news and such, today was actually a lot of fun.  It was a good chance to attempt to de-stress, and spend time with some old friends and a lot of new ones.  I even left everyone at the place with an open invitation to my Firefly marathon this February (assuming that is, that I have a home in which to host it).  So all in all, today has been an interesting day and I am a good bit worried about this whole thing, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it will all turn out alright.  Wish me luck!